Lockdown blues

I’ve been deliberating about this post for days now. Wanting to write, but not being entirely sure what I wanted to share. Could I possibly add anything new interesting to all the noise around COVID-19 and lockdown? The truth is I probably can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said. I can however save my personal thoughts here. A virtual time capsule, if you will.

It is day 30-something of the nationwide lockdown. Some restrictions are to be lifted at the end of this week. I can count on one hand the number of times I have left the house. Once for a doctor’s appointment and the other times to pick up groceries. Each of those trips has left me feeling exceptionally anxious and paranoid.

At first, lockdown was a bit of a novelty. My day job in Communications got super busy as we tried to talk to our customers about plans during lockdown. I didn’t love it, but I also didn’t mind the bit of extra time I had gained. I had grand plans for what I might achieve.

Over the last few weeks, the novelty has worn off. The last few days have been tiresome and frustrating. Everyone seems a bit prickly. I can only imagine we’re all over it. Most days, my feeling is best described as meh-ness.

meh/mɛ/INFORMALexclamation

  1. expressing a lack of interest or enthusiasm.”meh, I’m not impressed so far”

adjective

  1. uninspiring; unexceptional.”a lot of his movies are … meh”

If you had told me three months ago how much our lives would change, I don’t think I would have believed you.

Three months ago…

I was arranging a trip to London. I would have been there now, if this hadn’t happened.

We were waiting to hear if Ewan was accepted as a Rotary exchange student. He was accepted and a assigned to spend 6 weeks in France at the end of the year. Now it seems unlikely that he will go.

I was probably whining about the traffic on the way to of from work. Right now, I work from home, and probably will be doing so from now on. Yay for no long commutes but I do miss my solo drives where I get to listen to podcasts and just be alone in my head.

I have never imagined homeschooling as an option for my kids. Now they have full school days in front of their screens using a combination of Google Classroom, MS Teams and Whatsapp groups. Their schools have been remarkably agile and I am so impressed. Also a big shout out to my kids who have adapted to their new school arrangements like champions.

I could go on and on with the comparisons between then and now. A few good things have come from this, but there is so much more that I miss about our old life. Being able to visit my mom. Walks in the suburbs. Takeaways and restaurants. My housekeeper. Cappuccinos with my colleagues and lunches with my girls. Friday night – family night. Saturday evening braais with friends. My hair stylist. Going to the mall.

The thing is, my lockdown woes are really petty in comparison to the many, many people who have lost their livelihoods from this! These people are the victims of this goddamn virus lockdown. The irony is that the numbers of these people far outweigh the numbers of the sick and dying. I think of these people all the time and I feel quite helpless.

Whether the insanely strict lockdown that we have going on here in SA is the right decision – I guess that is a debate best left for Twitter.

I keep reminding myself that the only way out is through. Good luck friends.

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6 Replies to “Lockdown blues”

  1. Reflection is a profound thing…. Perhaps we all needed to know that the life with led was a great life, which we know now. To have “normal” will be a treat. Just hugging was a blessing. Brilliant piece Hilary. I look forward to more.

    1. Thanks for reading Cheryl. You’re right – you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Maybe we will all come out of this a little more appreciative of what we have.

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